I Can’t Fight This Feeling

I’m laying on my couch as I write this and my iTunes has just shuffled to REO Speedwagon’s “I Can’t Fight This Feeling.” It’s a song that I’ve kept in my heart for one person since I added it to the first mix tape I ever made for her. Yes, I’m talking about the two and a half hours away girl. It may not be “our” song, but it certainly is “my” song for her.

I close my eyes and it’s the summer of 1985. I’ve just turned 17. I owned Thriller, Pyromania and Shout at the Devil, a Member’s Only jacket and a pair of black and gray parachute pants. Sunday nights meant going to the Refinery for teen night and drinking Coke flavored water and hoping to dance with that cute girl from Mr. Chapman’s World History class.

“Even as I wander, I’m keeping you in sight.”

Not to get too melodramatic, but my life changed in July of 1985. My parents let me go on a day trip to a water-park that no longer exists in Collinsville, IL. My friend Mike Wernsing invited me and he drove. Along the way we’d be picking up a friend of his and her brother. I can remember it like it was yesterday… walking into that McDonald’s and meeting the two and a half hours away girl for the first time. It was magic. She was sitting in a booth waiting for us and while she may have given Mike a big hug she couldn’t take her eyes off me.

All the way the way to the park, she turned around in the passenger’s seat to chat me up in the back. I don’t remember what she asked or what we talked about. All I remember are the feelings… I really like this girl. She spoke in rapid fire half-sentences. She bounced from topic to topic like a rubber ball. I loved the way her eyes were this not quite shade of green.

After the water-park, we went to the nearby mall, got something to eat and walked around. The chemistry between us was so strong. We had fun laughing and joking around like we were old friends when in reality we had barely met. The silly sexual innuendos of virgin teenagers (a giant green snake comes to mind) were met with “come hither” smiles and knowing winks.

“What started out as friendship has grown stronger.”

We exchanged addresses and phone numbers and from that moment on we were connected. The letters poured in from her and receiving an actual hand written letter was better than gold. I still have every letter she sent me. I’m sad my daughter will only have a hard drive full of emails instead of real ink on tattered paper kept in a shoe box like her old man.

I can remember begging my parents to call her on the phone and then spending three or more hours with her talking about everything and nothing. I would bemoan my fear of asking this one girl to dance at the Refinery and she would complain about her current boyfriend or cheerleading. It didn’t matter.

I would visit her infrequently. A three hour drive from college just to spend a few short hours and get my first kiss from her was worth every second. Of course, we always danced around a real relationship. In our sweet, innocent and “scared to death of ruining our friendship” way, we took far too much pleasure from holding hands and talking on the phone late into the night. What might have been…

Today, after many years and far too many dead-end paths taken, we are together. At least as together as we can be since we remain two and a half hours away. I can’t see her as often as I’d like and nowhere near as often as she would like. Our arrangement isn’t perfect and maybe it never will be.
Our friends and family sometimes have a hard time understanding why we continue this relationship when it doesn’t really appear to be moving in any direction. I can never adequately explain it. It’s just the way we are wired, I guess. Our hearts are intertwined and our chemistry, found 25 years ago, hasn’t gone away.

I miss her. I love her. And I can’t fight this feeling anymore.

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LINKY GOODNESS

• How to blog. A sample post – and an inspired satire.
• Don’t bring a samurai sword to a police standoff.
• Mike and his whole family recap the last five seasons of Lost.
• The definite collection of “Enter Sandman” covers on the web.
• Actual football played in a 60-min NFL game: about 11 minutes.
• Roger Ebert’s list of the best films of the decade. It’s an interesting list; several items on there that you didn’t see on a lot of other lists.
• Do you know you aliens?
• Coke’s Happiness Machine.
• If you’ve been looking for a portable round fireplace look no further.
• Sex explained graphically. Not written or drawn out, but using ink pens.
• All 101 episodes of Lost streaming on Hulu.
• 15 Big Cheats and Fakers. That includes plagiarists, parodists, impostors, con men, lip-synchers, and those who take credit for other people’s work.
• Geek Dad picks 100 quotes every geek should know.

SHOUTING AT THE SEA

“I hope to hell that when I do die somebody has the sense to just dump me in the river or something. Anything except sticking me in a goddam cemetary. People coming and putting a bunch of flowers on your stomach on Sunday, and all that crap. Who wants flowers when you’re dead? Nobody.” – J. D. Salinger

COLOPHON

Photo by stevefaeembra

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