Short Bursts

MY LIGHTSABER IS HARD AND RED DEPARTMENT
I grew up with Star Wars. I had posters on my wall, toys in my closet and comics, magazines and books on every shelf. I made “PEW, PEW” and “VRUMMM” sounds. I loves me some Star Wars.

So, as I’m clicking around the internet I stumble upon a cinematic trailer for some sort of a Star Wars computer game. I am distinctly not a gamer. I don’t play many video games and it’s my daughter who owns the Wii, not me. You want me to play a game, make it like Galaga circa 1983.

Anyway, I watched the movie trailer for the video game and there’s nothing to compare it with. There’s not one shot out of place. It is designed to do nothing but give people like me, who aren’t even into these types of games, a rock hard erection. Believe me, my lightsaber is standing at attention.

It has everything a Star Wars fan would ever want. It’s visually stunning with masterful use of the Williams score and fantastic voice work. The game/trailer provides a simple storyline that pits the evil Sith with all the red lightsabers against the Jedi and their green and blue ones. The six minutes is superior to pretty much anything George Lucas on his best day could ever come up with.

It’s just another example of why Uncle George made good use of existing ideas (Hidden Fortress, Campbell) to create the Star Wars universe, but others who are more creative and interesting have taken his universe and made imminently more creative and interesting media.

NOT QUITE FOLLOWING WWJD DEPARTMENT
I do not have a strong opinion about abortion either way. Checking my plumbing reminds me I’ll never, ever have to think about having one. I am not really interested in what other people do regarding their health. I just don’t see how any of it is my business, unless it’s my immediate family.

Additionally, the current law regarding abortion seems perfectly adequate. No one is forcing anyone to have this procedure. To my mind, it is simply elective surgery and what one does to their own body is their own decision. I’m not about to go tell a woman she can’t do it, in the same light I’m not going to tell the stripper she doesn’t need a boob job or the fatty to put down the Ding Dongs.

Still, the very idea of murdering someone because what they do (legally, mind you) personally offends your moral and religious sensibilities is the highest form of crazy imaginable. The murder of an abortion doctor is religious fanaticism taken to the extreme. I condemn anyone who applauds this act.

AIN’T TALKIN’ ‘BOUT LOVE DEPARTMENT
As a red-blooded all-American male, I’m enjoying the pics of ex-Mrs. Eddie Van Halen parading about in a bikini. I wonder what Eddie thinks? As I understand it, Val and Eddie get along just great as divorced parents of not-so-little Wolfgang.

Speaking of Wolfgang, remember when there was all this controversy regarding Wolfie becoming the bassist for VH and the brothers kicking poor Michael Anthony out? Well, it’s back. Anthony says he was fired and E. Van Halen is saying he quit. Do you care?

The only reason this is getting any play again is because Anthony and former VH lead singer Sammy Hagar have joined forces with the drummer from the RHCP, Chad Smith, and guitar god Joe Satriani to form Chickenfoot and their debut album came out Friday. Personally, I don’t care about the Van Halen drama in so much that I hope some good music comes out it. READ: Chickenfoot album is awesome.

YOUR FAVORITE BAND SUCKS DEPARTMENT
Rarely do I find a recommendation for new music to be worthwhile. I am at the age where I find today’s music to be nigh unlistenable, uninspired, studio manipulated and boring. So, its quite a pleasant experience to find not only one, but two new bands with musical offerings I completely enjoyed.

First off, we have the amusingly named and aforementioned Chickenfoot. This band, born out of Sammy Hagar and Michael Anthony wanting to make music and have fun, has created an album’s worth of catchy guitar oriented songs. It drops the gauntlet down for the Van Halens + DLR to put something together of equal caliber. I’m betting it won’t happen.

Secondly, per a recommendation strictly from John Scalzi’s Twitter feed, I found the band Tinted Windows. Like Chickenfoot they’re a combo consisting of members from different bands: Bun E. Carlos from Cheap Trick, James Iha of the Smashing Pumpkins, Adam Schesinger of Fountains of Wayne and the biggest surprise of all, Taylor Hanson of Hanson. Their debut album is all power-pop with shades of Weezer, the Knack and, of course, Cheap Trick. It may not be your cup of tea, but I enjoyed this more than I really thought I would.